I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
