what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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