I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
