At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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