i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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