none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Acid is not a monday night drug
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
