Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
