you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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