i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
