you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
