i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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