I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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