I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
