just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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