I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
