new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
