you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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