i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
