i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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