He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
