it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
honey bunches of taint.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
