You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
