Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
