i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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