Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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