I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
