Where is the hickey?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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