Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
