I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
