Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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