It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
