even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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