That's intense
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
