3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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