Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My life is pants optional.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
