I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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