So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
