Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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