I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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