im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just invented taco cereal.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
