I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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