Cold hands, warm shart.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
