Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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