At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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