So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
