Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
