First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
