My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
