Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
