The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
