Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
