Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
