I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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