She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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